March 2013
8 posts
“The book will be another huge success, for reasons not mistaken but...”
– John Banville reviews Joan Didion’s Blue Nights (via ofravens, reblogging because it’s still true)
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03.21.13
There’s one trick to getting what you want and it is avoidance. I mean, getting what you want from people. First you avoid. And then you ask. Real blunt-deep. No quaver. Hold the gaze.
Knead deep into the ankle bones, the neck, the ribs. All the spots in need of other peoples’ hands. Vicious-love. Pop this out and put it back, the way you see fit. I could tell you about California. I...
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February 2013
30 posts
smalljoys: Personal, Tony Hoagland →
kathleenjoy:
Don’t take it personal, they said; but I did, I took it all quite personal— the breeze and the river and the color of the fields; the price of grapefruit and stamps, the wet hair of women in the rain— And I cursed what hurt me and I praised what gave me joy, the most…
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Notes on a Boring Schizophrenia
After all this time, still mistaking the early flickers for ‘stress.’ ‘Nerves.’ ‘Exhaustion.’
It hits so fast.
The impact takes your breath away. Literally, the difficulty to breathe.
As terrible as it is, it has becoming boring. You don’t want to talk about it not because of shame but because it is boring. How ordinary it is to live in abject terror...
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02.13.13
Itchy gums and an oversensitive paranoia. The impotent fury at being excluded from groups, persons, feelings, that I don’t even want to be included in. But fuck, the proximity. Something outside my bedroom door is happening, and instantly I become a child mother. I use a rubber voice. My head fills with jelly. I smell of boiled animals. Weep like a young woman to let it pass. Ask C for...
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02.07.13
One of those days where nothing will do. Whatever I want, it’s not this. And if I want this, I want it somewhere else.
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WatchBabe’s birthday was yesterday. It was low key. He went climbing and had a drink with some climbing buds. K made a banana cake and we played Bananagrams with S while we all waited for him to come back. Saturday we’re having a guided meditation party, which I am dearly looking forward to. This video is from 2008. It’s fascinating to watch a person’s body change over the...
1 tag
02.02.13
Acupuncturist says ‘Have a glass of wine or whiskey and a hot bath.’ So I drank the whole bottle. When do you really Have a Problem? You stay away for weeks but all is takes it one night. Carson is writing a metal album. I am learning to sing. I mean, I am learning to use my voice. I don’t want to talk about it. Tower Reversed: Mouth. Tower Reversed in every substantiated...
January 2013
5 posts
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Dear Frederick Seidel,
I promised that when I finished your complete works, I would send a naked Polaroid of myself with my eyes scratched out. I made this promise to me. No one else knows. Luckily for both of us, you’ve written a new book. You ghoul. You ghoul.
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Vivian and Ondine out in the new Caketrain →
10 way collaboration; I really love this one
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Very happy to announce that I am now offering Tarot consultations! $60-100 sliding scaled for a one hour+. I also happily accept equal energy exchange. Available in person, on the phone, or Skype.
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01.09.13
In watching an electronic silence, you are watching reactions to a past which is never really behind you. Everything online is in present tense. I’ve fallen in love with something that is not another person, but was inside of myself. The last time I fell in love with myself was when I learned to print. I mean: infatuation. The astounding feeling of opening your own door. Of handing yourself...
December 2012
3 posts
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New Rabbit Poems in Horse Less Review →
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New Rabbit Poems in The Offending Adam →
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“Even though the first sign of something changing in my brain was auditory, the...”
– I had very similar onset hallucinations to what Esme describes in her elegant post here. One of the most exhausting things about psychosis is having to constantly rationalize with yourself that what is happening, as real and desperate as it seems, needs to be ignored.
November 2012
52 posts
New Rabbit Poems in Front Porch →
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