Losing objects. My new glasses somewhere in Lilli’s house. The jade necklace that pleased me so much. My favorite little brown tank. Last night I tried to go to weight lifting but when I got to the bottom of the stairs I was too shaky to ride my bike. As I was texting my trainer to cancel, Jenny rolled up and yelled my name. On her way to yin yoga and I said I want to go. I keep a regular...
Q: Do you consider Sade to have been a spiritual master? A: Sade was a...– The Little Black Book of Grisélidis Réal, Jean-Luc Henning (From Ariana Reines’ translator’s note)
You see, you must never rush people. You can’t leave them hanging either,...– The Little Black Book of Grisélidis Réal, Jean-Luc Henning
But to be honest I feel like my body has deserted me [….] Despite all the...– A letter from J
Sun out today, better head space. Started reading The Little Black Book of Griselidis Real. V leaves for Arizona tomorrow. We recorded her piece for RAGE HONEYS this morning, I cooked her breakfast and kissed her hair and tucked her scent safely into me. I haven’t cried yet, but I will. Told C: Emotions are not my primary interest. I’m more interested in other aspects of Being. Which...
One waits because there is no reasonable alternative.– Conversations With and About Beckett, Mel Gussow
Today I am missing the part of my life when I read constantly in the Seattle Public Library. That library is the Most Holy Temple of the Autodidactical Revelation. I could learn anything there. All knowledge open. Taking the escalator to the stacks was exactly like ascending the threshold of heaven. People are very well read in Seattle. I had incredible conversations about Beckett on the bus. ...
For every moment of terror, there is an equal moment of rage. And these dove-quiet parts. The Holy Ghost of the trinity.
O, the psychotic break arrives on schedule. At moments I am oddly lucid and so I might try and document a little of what it is like this time around. I have decomposing bones in buckets of water and mummifying corpses in boxes. I clean the house and it collapses into filth. The cats desperately need flea control and food and litter, this seems an impossibly complicated task. I don’t feel or...
It is the motion of wearing away glass, the thumb sliding in the same futile path, being only a motion. -paper journal :: January 15, 2008 What makes me yet unwilling. I am frightened. I shock myself. -paper journal :: January 15, 2009 All of this is making me very tired. This pressure at the temples never stops. A tree that is there sometimes & sometimes is not. -paper journal ::...
I can’t tell if I am disinterested or incapable. Maybe this time they are the same thing.
Clarity is absent and drive is laughable. It is too cold. It isn’t even cold. Events occur and I throw them away.
Sanity, in other words, has more often than not been staged as a paradoxical and...– Going Sane, Adam Phillips
I go to Mass every now and then. I recently discovered that I am allergic wheat and I think it is very funny - outrageously hilarious - to tell myself I am allergic to the body of Christ. Amen.