January 2011
25 posts
1.28.11
Losing objects. My new glasses somewhere in Lilli’s house. The jade necklace that pleased me so much. My favorite little brown tank.
Last night I tried to go to weight lifting but when I got to the bottom of the stairs I was too shaky to ride my bike. As I was texting my trainer to cancel, Jenny rolled up and yelled my name. On her way to yin yoga and I said I want to go. I keep a regular...
“Q: Do you consider Sade to have been a spiritual master?
A: Sade was a...”
– The Little Black Book of Grisélidis Réal, Jean-Luc Henning (From Ariana Reines’ translator’s note)
“You see, you must never rush people. You can’t leave them hanging either,...”
– The Little Black Book of Grisélidis Réal, Jean-Luc Henning
“But to be honest I feel like my body has deserted me [….] Despite all the...”
– A letter from J
1.20.11
Sun out today, better head space. Started reading The Little Black Book of Griselidis Real. V leaves for Arizona tomorrow. We recorded her piece for RAGE HONEYS this morning, I cooked her breakfast and kissed her hair and tucked her scent safely into me. I haven’t cried yet, but I will. Told C: Emotions are not my primary interest. I’m more interested in other aspects of Being. Which...
“One waits because there is no reasonable alternative.”
– Conversations With and About Beckett, Mel Gussow
1.18.11b
Today I am missing the part of my life when I read constantly in the Seattle Public Library. That library is the Most Holy Temple of the Autodidactical Revelation. I could learn anything there. All knowledge open. Taking the escalator to the stacks was exactly like ascending the threshold of heaven. People are very well read in Seattle. I had incredible conversations about Beckett on the bus.
...
1.18.11
For every moment of terror, there is an equal moment of rage. And these dove-quiet parts. The Holy Ghost of the trinity.
1.17.11
O, the psychotic break arrives on schedule. At moments I am oddly lucid and so I might try and document a little of what it is like this time around. I have decomposing bones in buckets of water and mummifying corpses in boxes. I clean the house and it collapses into filth. The cats desperately need flea control and food and litter, this seems an impossibly complicated task. I don’t feel or...
1.15.11
It is the motion of wearing away glass, the thumb sliding in the same futile path, being only a motion.
-paper journal :: January 15, 2008
What makes me yet unwilling. I am frightened. I shock myself.
-paper journal :: January 15, 2009
All of this is making me very tired. This pressure at the temples never stops. A tree that is there sometimes & sometimes is not.
-paper journal ::...
1.13.11
I can’t tell if I am disinterested or incapable.
Maybe this time they are the same thing.
1.12.11
Clarity is absent and drive is laughable.
It is too cold.
It isn’t even cold.
Events occur and I throw them away.
“Sanity, in other words, has more often than not been staged as a paradoxical and...”
– Going Sane, Adam Phillips
1.2.10
I go to Mass every now and then. I recently discovered that I am allergic wheat and I think it is very funny - outrageously hilarious - to tell myself I am allergic to the body of Christ.
Amen.