02.22.12
how the day comes in. a haze, and then a coffee, a reluctance to the afternoon. afternoon is heavy with the threat or promise of a nap, after it’s taken so long to wake the first time. i wanted coffee but there wasn’t any so i ate string cheese instead. it’s spring i guess, my supposed favorite, but i don’t feel like life begins until april. april april april. maybe that’s all i want to talk about and that’s all this space gets until then. maybe i don’t actually feel alienated, i just feel anxious to go and consequently feel worried that my friends here think i am anxious to leave them which isn’t the case and i know they know that but then i respond by acting guilty and purposefully alienating myself. i want to want. but instead i have waiting. i don’t even feel excited about the book. i just want to leave.
